5 minutes
5 minutes…
You pant as you barrel through the cave, cursing as the ever present rumbling draws closer. Narrowly dodging a bolt of lightning, you peer forward hoping to see any trace of light which would signal that you are almost out of the nightmare. As you halt and catch your breath, two figures hurtle past you, shouting for you to hurry up and join them. You use the momentary pause to glance at the walls, the runes around you glowing mockingly. You curse yourself for not being cautious enough to look for hidden rune traps, so that you could have at least disabled them on your way in. Mentally promising to never make that mistake in the future, you snort, wondering if there will be even be a next time. Hearing a roar behind you, you hasten your steps and catch up with the two figures running up ahead. “I estimate they’ll catch up in about 5 minutes”, you shout at the two, panting between words. You grab and pull back the two before they run over a trap door, both of them swaying over the sudden gaping maw. You glance at the male among the two, nodding at his pointed look at their third member. Together, you heave her over the pit ignoring her screams of vengeance and then wait patiently for her to throw a rope back. You know that each second is crucial, but there seems to be no other alternative. The growing rumble through the cave seems to agree with your thought.
4 minutes…
As you make it to the other side, the roars and growls seem to be getting closer, a rhythmic beat of footsteps which would have been soothing in any other circumstance. As you begin to run once again, you think back to your childhood, wondering if you would try to become the best rune breaker if you knew back then what it would lead to. You were naive back then, curious and brash. Never a good combination, as you realize now, but that combination is what made you into the man you are now. Ahh, the folly of youth, the ever present thought that you were indestructible. Shaking your head, you wonder if this is what they mean by life flashing before your eyes just before death. There had never been a reason for you to look back and reminisce. Deciding to do so with god knows what on your tail, a book with priceless power and the two most precious people in your life in danger, you realize, is probably not the smartest thing to do.
But the memories come hard and fast. Years worth of memories flashing by at the speed of light, in what is probably not even a few seconds. You were always precocious for your age. Swiping (Borrowing, you called it) your father’s rune texts at the age of five. Reading through it and trying to make heads or tails of the various squigglies, for that was it seemed like they were. Trying to reproduce the Eiwah rune but mistakenly drawing the Katon rune instead, burning down your room in the process. Coming out of it unscathed, and gazing at the burning room as if it was the coolest thing ever (and it was!). Getting hooked to the power trip from drawing these runes and controlling the powers of the elements themselves. Splitting up from your brother, who wanted to become a knight, instead of a rune master. Undergoing training under the legendary Seraphim, one of the greatest rune masters and fighters of your era. You remember the utter brutality of the training, the sink or swim approach used by your master. Looking back now, you snicker and thank the old coot, without whom you wouldn’t have even made it two feet inside the temple. Your friends look at you weirdly, questioning your sanity for snickering in such a situation. They glance at each other, and pass it off as one of your eccentric tendencies. You want to retort that you are the sanest of the lot, but your lungs feel on fire from the constant running.
A sudden scream causes you to look up, and you see one of the grotesque beings from the chamber up ahead. You wonder for a second how it got ahead of you, before deciding that it didn’t matter. The fact is that it is ahead of you. Noticing that she is running straight towards it, you tackle her with one arm, using the other to start drawing the Raiton rune to blast the thing, only to find that your friend has already sliced the thing in pieces. Getting up and offering her a hand, you use the moment to quickly calculate your odds of getting out alive, and you realize that you have a better chance of falling in love and marrying her.
3 minutes…
You look at her standing there, glaring at you playfully for tackling her, even in this situation, and you fall in love with her once again. In spite of the grime and sweat and blood, even in this damp, dark, barely lit cave, you think she has a glow about her. Your first friend who was not your brother, your other constant in life. You remember meeting her for the first time outside your house. Her brunette hair swaying in the wind, her thousand watt smile as she ran happily in the garden. You remember shyly approaching her and asking her to be your friend. You remember the first time you tried to show her a rune, which ended up shocking yourself instead of the tree as you had planned. You remember her frantic shouting and pleas of help which dragged your brother to the scene. You come to realize that was the first time the golden trio came together. She then promised to become the best healer in the world so that she wouldn’t have to rely on anyone to come help you. The three of you promised to become the best in your respective fields, and then work exclusively with each other.
You know how well that worked out. Considering this is the first mission you three attempted together, you wonder if it was ever meant to be. The minute you returned from training, you approached her. You sigh and turn to goo inwardly as you remember her brilliant smile and cheer as she got over her surprise of seeing you and hugged you. You remember falling in love with her (again, your brain chimes in). You remember having the best month of your life as you spent time with her, waiting for your brother to return from his mission. The strolls in the park, the quaint romantic picnics, the time spent in the library poring over ancient texts. You have fond memories of the times she had to drag you away from your research for fear of overwork.
And of course, you remember the time when you had finally worked up the courage to ask her out. You grew some orchids made of precious jewels, one of your custom runes which you had used to apply for mastery. As you approached her house, you saw someone else walking up the path to her door. And he had orchids in his hand, her favorite flower. You stopped at that, deciding to watch and wait. You watched her open the door and shriek in surprise at the newcomer. And your heart broke when she embraced him and kissed him for all his worth. And you know your vicious streak would have shown its face, had it not been for who he was.
2 minutes…
You watch the duo run up ahead, him behind her, watching out for her as usual. Your brother, the only person your conscience wouldn’t let hurt other than her. The only person who you could not crush or decimate in the path of love. Oh you contemplated, you connived, you plotted all these treacherous thoughts to get her all to yourself. But she had fallen for the one person who you could never hurt. And so, like a good brother, you stepped aside. That didn’t lessen the hurt though, and you ran away like a coward, immersing yourself in research again, and this time, without her to pull you back, you vanished for a while. Oh you knew they were worried, frantic even, but your aching heart wouldn’t allow you to face them yet. So you looked, and searched. And finally, after two months of research, you hit the jackpot. It was supposedly a tip from a man who had the emperor’s ear. but supported the rebels. He led you through a trail of breadcrumbs to a map. And not just any old map, this was the map leading to the emperor’s hidden source of power (or so the legends said).
Inside a damp, dark cave, on the outskirts of civilization, hidden in the deepest tunnel and protected by runes the likes of which hadn’t been seen for centuries lay a book. This unassuming tome (for it wasn’t just any mere book) held within its pages the secrets to the emperor and his predecessor’s powers. The legend went that the information in that tome was passed on by word of mouth from one emperor to his successor, leaving the book containing the secrets to be hidden away. And it was said to contain the ways (and some said the only way) the emperor could be defeated. You had struck jackpot. This would be a challenge worthy of your talents. You would, in one strike, prove yourself to be the savior of the entire country. And with that, maybe, just maybe, you could move on with your life, find a new love, live the hero’s life.
And so, with this information, you rushed back. You saw the worry in their eyes as they greeted you, you saw they held back the tongue lashing they wanted to give you in favor of just making sure you were alright. And you saw their deep connection, the words they conveyed to each other with just a look. And your heart took another stab. But you smiled bravely through it, not letting them see how it affected you. And as you regaled them of your adventures and your findings, you saw their excitement grow, and all of you decided as one that this was worthy of your first mission as a trio. And now, as you saw them, with fear and desperation in their eyes giving way to acceptance of their fate, you decided that you wouldn’t let it happen, at any cost.
1 minute…
Still running, your mind worked overtime, trying to figure out a way out of this ghastly mess. As you took another look at the book in your hand, you noticed the glowing rune on its back. Staring at it for a second, things suddenly clicked. It wasn’t the Shikara rune for power on the back as you expected it to be, but rather, the Fuin rune for Seal. The book, and the whole bloody temple itself, was a giant prison, not the storehouse of information. Realization sunk in that you had been played expertly. Inwardly, you clapped at the masterstroke of the emperor, feeding you misinformation and getting you to do his dirty work. The emperor hadn’t sealed the place to preserve his book, but rather, the Emperor wanted the seal broken and the denizens inside released to the world. And he was more than willing to sow any number of false leads and make sure that he was always obscured behind the darkest of veils so that it could never be traced back to him. You had stopped to a crawl as this thought process led to completion.
As you raise your head, you see the two running together, screaming at you to stop dawdling and hurry. Your thoughts are all over the place, trying to get you to the single conclusion that you don’t want to understand. You see the duo and you finally realize two things. That they are meant to be, and what your mind has been trying to tell you. You look back at the relentlessly approaching threat, the runes on the wall and the book, and then finally at them. You release a big sigh, as you realize that it is quite possible for the three of you to escape from this nightmare with your lives, but that would mean letting the army out into the wild, under the control of the emperor. You don’t know who had originally sealed them, but if the emperor was willing to go to any length to get them back, you know that letting him have them would be absolutely fatal. The only way to get things to back where they were is to seal them in, and for that, one with a knowledge of ancient runes would have to stay back and perform the rune work necessary. And considering the fact that you could count on a single finger the number of people who could do it here, and the fact that it is a one way ticket, you think that maybe, just maybe, that your luck with life just sucks. You wonder why doing what is right always differs from doing what is easy.
Noticing that your brother and his girlfriend (how it hurts for you to even think that) are about to come back and drag you with them, you make that split second decision. Giving them a big bright smile, you wave at them, not letting your tears show at the acceptance of your fate. That stops them in their tracks. Before they can realize what is happening, you quickly draw a rune to collapse the cavern between you and them. As the rocks fall, and she shrieks in terror for you, you look at your brother, and your gaze conveys all the feelings that you don’t have time to tell them. Within one stare, you tell him he was the greatest big brother ever. That you liked it every time he watched out for you. And that you don’t hate him for finding love with your one true love. You avert your gaze, not finding the courage to meet her eyes, knowing there was only tear and heart break there. Turning your back on them, you call out, with a quiver in your voice, “Guys, tell my nieces and nephews about me, about what an amazing rune master I was. And tell anyone who comes searching for this temple its truth. Please…” Your voice breaks at this point, but you clear your throat, tears stinging your eyes “Please, don’t forget me.” You are only able to whisper out the last statement.,The last of the rocks fall blocking their reply, but your heart rests easy knowing that they are safe.
Looking up, you see the zombies, or whatever they are, approaching you, mystified at the sudden courage you seem to be showing. You let a feral smile on your face, and even as your hands start drawing the most complicated rune you have ever done. A bright flash, signifying the completion of the rune, is the last thing your eyes ever see as you shout out, “Lets rock.”
Time’s up.
#1 by Mike on September 1st, 2009
I really liked the story, but, to be honest, I think this would have worked better as a first person perspective.
The problem with second person stories is that you have to make the reader believe that your character is making the same choices the reader would. Second person stories also work best if you never reveal the gender of “you.” As soon as you reveal the gender, you’ve created a rift between half of your potential readers and your character.
You also want to avoid too drastic of decisions in a second person story–for example, I wasn’t even aware that “I” could bring down the ceiling of the escape route. Even if I were aware of this skill, I might have looked for a different option.
I hope this helps. I did enjoy the concept of the story, just wasn’t convinced that the second person perspective was the best choice for this story.
One example of writing in the second person you might enjoy is located at http://www.writanon.com/stories/the_bartender . This story assumes very little about the reader, except that they are a member of a society where jeans are common attire. You’ll notice a few strange references, but the story was written as an introduction to a different writing community.
#2 by Shyam on September 16th, 2009
Hrm, thanks for that feedback. Well, part of the inspiration was a great Harry Potter fanfiction that I read somewhere. Thanks for that link though, I had read it when I had wandered on there. Good point on the drastic decisions, but I guess I wanted to keep it short and not elaborate too much on the settings and stuff.
#3 by John Lindal on September 23rd, 2009
Very nice story! I didn’t experience the issue Mike discussed because I automatically translated into 3rd person. I liked the fast pace and the surprising twists.